Joy!

Well, it finally has happened!

After about 18 months of hard work in phonics and the craziness that is the English language, checking out stacks of audiobooks and beginning readers, reading aloud til my voice is tired and just gently, gently encouraging her...Lexi IS A READER, BY CHOICE!

She's been able to read at about a 2nd grade level (by my calculations) for a while now but for the first time, she has confidence in her skills and has been reading stacks of books to me by choice. Oh, happy day!

Last week, Lexi disappeared for a while at the library and came back to me with an armload of beginning reader books and a questioning look in her eye. I considered limiting the number of books we checked out (since we owe the library over $9.00 in fines right now due to that time we filled a suitcase with books and misplaced some of them, oops) but then I stopped and said, "Sure, throw them in the bag!"

I'm so glad that I did. She is eagerly picking up the books and reading fluently with little help. I knew she could do it, but now SHE knows she can do it, and that is just so cool. She's reading me books about the sun, amphibians, mammals, the planets, and even tried out a beginning chapter book this morning and discovered that she could read it. I can tell she is proud of her new skill.

"Mom, can we add this to school? Like every day, I pick out a book and read it to you?" she asked.

Um, of course kid. OF COURSE!

We're taking a hiatus from reading lessons to just dive into the pleasure that is reading for enjoyment.

All of her (and my, I guess) hard work has paid off.

I have a reader!

I'm so grateful for the opportunity to teach her.

10 Exercises in Willpower

Willpower.
I can't do everything.
But I can do this one small thing, which makes me wonder what other small things I can do.

I've been a nail biter for over 20 years, thanks to The Berenstain Bears and the Bad Habit. In the book, Sister Bear nibbles her nails and has a really hard time stopping. My 5-year-old self decided to try biting my nails to see what the big deal was. Commence bad habit that would continue nonstop until a few months ago. Pretty sure that's not what Stan & Jan Berenstain had in mind.

Over the years, I'd often bite them out of frustration or anger. Boredom. Habit. I managed to leave them alone for a little bit before our wedding, but then I went right back to gnawing them off afterward.

Then one day I made one tiny choice- painting them with ridiculous purple glitter polish out of Lydia's stocking- and I have not chewed my nails in over two months.
This is the longest I have gone without biting them since the habit began 23 or 24 years ago. I wasn't even trying to quit biting, I just looked at that crazy glitter and thought how gross it would be to bite it. And all the sudden, I'd stopped biting altogether. Now I have to keep them polished or else they look tempting. But so far, I've been successful.

I have to wonder, what else can I do that I never thought possible?
That I've never even considered trying?
It sounds silly, but it gives me hope.

It's not really about whether I bite my nails or not. In the end, I don't think that really matters.
For me, it's about willpower. I didn't think I had it.
But I surprised myself.

I guess change doesn't have to be some huge monumental choice, like swearing off sweets for the rest of my life.
Maybe it's one tiny decision, like choosing to skip dessert in favor of a glass of Crystal Light (fruit punch is where it's at!) that leads to more tiny decisions that leads to change over time.

What tiny exercise in willpower can you make today?
Who knows...maybe it will turn into something.

The most important things I will teach...

 In my last post, I talked about how I as a homeschooling parent will teach my kids to contribute to society. This was based on a question posed by a friend of mine, a question that for some reason really got me thinking about education and parenting in general.

I have been doing some deep thinking about what I hope to accomplish as a parent and what I hope to teach my kids as a home educating mom. Actually, this started with some lighter thinking. About the name of our homeschool. Let me explain.

In the state of Kansas, homeschools are considered non-accredited private schools. If you choose to homeschool your kids, you must register yourself with the state of Kansas by the time your student is 7, or, whenever you withdraw them from public or private school. Lexi will turn 7 in November so I need to register our school by then, which means I need to pick out a name for it. I love naming things so I have been giving this a lot of thought.

My first idea for our school's name was Upward Academy or Upward Sights Academy. I considered these because I feel that the name has two meanings. First, that we should set our sights upward, that is, on God. Second, that we should always strive to improve ourselves or move upward toward the next level. I liked these names, but I couldn't really figure out how to word it to best convey the concept I was going for. I wanted our name to reflect the purpose of our school.

So I took a break from the name game and decided to focus on defining the goals and purpose of our school. What do I hope to teach my kids? What is the most important thing they could learn? There are a million things I'd love for my kids to study, tons of books I'd love to read them, skills I want them to learn.

After a lot of thinking, I've narrowed down my aim as a parent and home educator into three simple skills/abilities that I hope my kids will be able to do when they "graduate":

The ability to think...
To use their brains to analyze situations and life circumstances
To understand how they learn
To thirst for understanding
To gain knowledge and apply
Basically, to use their heads.

The ability to care...
To love others, like Jesus did and commanded us to do
To care about people
To care about our world
To be sensitive to the needs and circumstances of others
In other words, to use their hearts.

To care without thinking can be ineffective. Thinking allows you to create plans to make an impact. If you think without caring, you may make a callous or selfish choice. Care and compassion are needed.

At first, I thought I was done at these two. I want my kids to think and to care. Sounds good. Then I realized I was missing a crucial piece...

The ability to act...
I realized, without this one, the other two don't matter at all.
This is probably the hardest skill to learn- to see what needs to be done and to do it.
To not let fear get in the way of moving forward.
To keep trying when plans fail.
To use their hands, their bodies, to accomplish what their hearts and minds know needs accomplishing.

All three are necessary. The head, heart and hands work together.

If my kids learn to think, to care and to act, I will know my job is done.

So for the name of our school, I'm going to try to incorporate these goals. Maybe we will be TCA Academy, T for think, C for care, A for act. Or maybe not. I'm still working the bugs out. But now that I know what my focus is and have put it into words, I am going to work on putting it into practice each day.


Note: Someone told me that this sounds a lot like the 4-H motto. I did not realize that when I was coming up with it. Maybe we'll join 4-H someday, since our priorities seem to align ;)

Society needs ya

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Recently, a friend of mine posted a question on Facebook asking myself and other homeschooling parents how we approach selecting curricula and teaching our children how to contribute to society. It prompted an interesting discussion, and, for some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I realized I had a lot to say about these topics, so I decided to write about it, a little at a time.

Thanks for the inspiration, Polly!

Original Question: How do you teach your children to be contributing members of society?

How does anyone teach anyone anything?  Whoa. Actually, I don't want to dive into that right now. Not at that level. But how do we parents, homeschooling or not, teach our kids important things? I'd say the number one way is by modeling. If I want my kids to see what it means to contribute to society, I should contribute to society. If I want my kids to be generous, I should be generous. If I want my kids to be hard workers, I should show them how I work hard. If I want them to know the importance of voting, I should vote, and explain why I do so. Actions speak louder than words. Lead by example. Insert a whole lot of other maxims in here. Our kids are constantly watching us and learning from us, which is kind of scary and off-color sometimes, at least in my house. But it's important to remember that.

When I saw this question was being posed to homeschooling families, it made me wonder about how homeschooling families might differ from public schooling families in regard to this question. Is there really much of a difference? I want to ask, how do public schools teach kids to be contributing members of society? So if anyone would like to share their feelings on that, please do! I'd love your input!

The main difference I suppose is that homeschooled kids spend the majority of their time with their families rather than at school. So it becomes our responsibility to teach them to become contributing members of society. We don't do this by taking extra time out of the day to have, "Contributing to Society 101" class. I think it is something our children learn by watching us, as I mentioned before, and through daily experiences and conversations as we do life together.

I think in order to best explain this, there's another question that needs answering. 

Follow up question: What does it mean to be a contributing member of society?

This wasn't one of the original questions, but the previous question made me think: what does it mean to be a contributing member of society? Well, I think it looks different for everyone but basically I believe it means to use your specific talents and circumstances to make a positive difference to those within your sphere of influence. 

I am the only mom my kids have. If I stopped being their mom, no one would pick up the slack and cover for me. Because of this, I feel that I need to make their upbringing one of my top priorities right now since it is a job that I alone can do with the amount of love and devotion that I (hopefully) bring to it each day. So right now, my family is my sphere of influence and I am trying to make a positive difference to them, hoping that they, in turn, will make a positive difference to others.  As my children grow and become less dependent upon me, I imagine my focus will broaden. Who knows what I will do some day. Right now, I'm focusing on my family.

While I focus on raising my family, I am growing and developing as a person. I am learning what skills I have and how I can use them to help others. I am modeling to my children how to use what they have to make an impact. I am teaching them to care about others. Our kids know that our family sponsors two children in other countries. They know that I vote. They know that we recycle as much as we can. We talk daily about how people are more important than things, and how our behavior should reflect that. They know that I am doing my best to educate them because education is important. My kids see me helping out at church. I used to work with the children and then discovered I enjoyed working with the youth group. I just began mentoring a youth who is going to be confirmed this spring. In fact, today she told me about two ways she enjoys serving others and I was really proud to hear that she has found ways to serve that are dear to her heart and that use her strengths.

I see signs that my girls are already learning about how to contribute to others. They draw pictures to send to our sponsored kids and remind me to pray for them. They try to share what they have with others when the opportunity arises. The other day, Lydia (age 3 1/3) told me that she wanted to give some of her toys to kids who don't have many toys. Even though she had a hard time deciding which toys to give, I was really touched by her generosity at such a tender age. They want to help others. They aren't perfect, but there is still plenty of time to continue training them. As they get older, I hope to help them find different ways to use their gifts to help others.

I feel like developing our talents and using them for the good of ourselves and others is a lifelong process. This is because it not only takes time to figure out what our gifts are and learn how to use them, but we also have different gifts that we use at different points in our lives. It's important for all of us to discover what our strengths are and to put them to good use. I believe that God made us all very different, and for good reason. There's a lot of work to be done here on Earth and there are a lot of different and important jobs to do.  We aren't all going to be good at all of them. But if we all take the time to figure out what we are good at and then DO it, we as individuals will grow and our society will benefit.

This is something I am still working at. I know that teaching is one of the gifts I have and am using daily with my girls. I thoroughly enjoy researching curriculum, writing lesson plans and watching the girls learn. I think that writing is another gift I have, but I am still working out how to best use it. And as simple as it sounds, sometimes I think I am just meant to make people laugh to make life a little more lighthearted.

I would not be a good daycare teacher for babies and toddlers. I don't have the patience to spend all day with a herd of nonspeaking people wearing diapers. But I have friends who work wonders with little people.

I would make a terrible nurse. Bodily functions are not my favorite and when it comes to human anatomy, I'm straight up ignorant.  But I've got friends who are smart, really nurturing and take great care of those in their care.

I really hate the world of insurance. It's confusing as crap and frustrates me to no end. I also think it is boring, to be honest. But my dad, brother and husband have a knack for it and I am glad, because people like them help people like me wade through that crazy stuff to make good choices and protect my family.

We've all got different gifts and talents to put to use to make this world a better place. One of my jobs as a parent is to help my kids figure out where they fit into society and how they make an impact. One of your jobs as a person is to do the same for yourself.

So, what's your thing? How are you giving back? Because society needs ya. 

January Goals Progress Report

If you caught my first post of the year, I cried out for help in setting and reaching goals. I thought it might be a good idea to check in on my goals every month, not only to measure my progress but also to get some accountability. I've read that making lists is a great way to help accomplish goals. I also read that rewarding yourself when goals are complete is a good motivation, along with finding people to hold you accountable. I think I am going to try to work on all of those areas. Lists are easy. I love the idea of rewards, I just need to figure out the best way to use them. And I would love for anyone reading this to help hold me accountable. I appreciate those of you who shared tips and expressed willingness to join me on this! Thanks guys! :)

This is my original  goal list. I think it was a good starting point.

• Finish sewing the girls' quilts and sew a quilt for my friend's baby before he outgrows it
• Complete the reading for my Bible study every day
• Find a new Bible study to participate in when mine ends in June
• Read at least 24 books this year
• Exercise 2-3 times per week all year long
• Find someone to be my exercise partner and hold me accountable
• Publish a blog post at least two times per month
• Finish my 2014 photo book

Here's the progress I've made this month:

• One of the quilts has most of its top stitching. The other one is still in strips. Oops.
• I missed one day of reading last week and got a little behind this week, but I'm caught up on my Bible study now.
• I don't need to find a new Bible study yet ;)
• I have finished one book completely, 40% of one that then auto-returned itself to the library, and I am just beginning another that has promise. Not too shabby.
• This is big news! I have a walking/running buddy and she and I have been going to the gym 2-3 days per week! YAY! Thanks Jacqueline!
• This will be my second blog post this month. Is that a cop out?
• My 2014 photo book has 10 pages. But until I read this I had completely forgotten about it. Oops.

 After doing a bit of research on setting and meeting goals, I am thinking it might be helpful to add some new goals, and maybe categorize them too. Lists are fun and I think organizing the goals to focus on developing different parts of who I am will help me to be more balanced in my life.  I can see myself continuing to add more goals as times goes on. 

Creative Goals:

• Finish the girls' quilts
• Sew a quilt for baby Isaac before he turns 1. 
• Complete 2014 photo book
• Publish a minimum of 2 blog posts per month

Healthy Goals:

• Walk or run 3 days per week minimum
• Find an exercise partner to hold me accountable (DONE! Thanks Jacqueline!)
• Complete a spring/summer 5k and a fall 5k
• Eat a fruit and a vegetable every day (embarrassing but it doesn't always happen)

Reading Goals:

• Read about 2 books per months but at least 24 per year
• Read the Bible every day
• Find a new Bible study to participate in after current one is over
• Find or start a book club and attend regularly

Parenting Goals:

• Have a one-on-one date with each child once per month
• Spend one-on-one time with Lydia every day 
• Develop some kind of routine that involves the kids cleaning 

Marriage Goals:

• Go on at least one date per month
• Fill in the couples journal together every week
• Cook Tim a special birthday meal

Home Goals - So we are thinking about moving! We are looking for a bit more living space now that the kids are older. It's exciting to look, but the house needs to be in tip top shape in order for it to sell. 

• Organize the basement
• Paint the kitchen
• Donate the girls' old clothes
• Go room to room with a trash bag and purge as much as possible, selling anything decent on Craigslist
• Get the house ready to put on the market this spring!

I think I've started strong. Hopefully I can keep the momentum going. In case you were curious, yes, I have continued to watch TV. I've watched all 3 seasons of New Girl (love it, thanks for recommending!) as well as 2 seasons of Orange is the New Black, which is also awesome. I'm staying caught up on Downton Abbey and Big Bang Theory as new episodes become available. I think this is fine, because I've been keeping myself busy with other more worthy tasks as well :)

I'd like to add a goal about cooking more and trying new recipes. I've already tried several so far, so I probably need to somehow add that to the list so I can get credit for doing it.

Stamina / 2015 Goals

I'm a quitter. I always have been. Even when I was a kid, I would start new things- soccer, art class, piano, voice, track- then lose interest and quit them.

I love starting new things. I have passion and energy about new ideas, but I'm not great at the follow through.

I want to follow through. I want to accomplish things other than binge-watching sitcoms. I mean yes, I'm raising and educating the kids, but as I mentioned in a previous post, I have some free time now.

Some of my friends have been choosing a word for 2015, and I think Stamina would be my word. I want to develop stamina.

How does one do that?

How do you set goals and them accomplish them?

I have a few general goals for this year. Things I want to do. But I need help shaping them and following through.

Please share your tips for developing goals and attaining them.

~~~~~

Here's what I have so far...

Goals for 2015:

• Finish sewing the girls' quilts and sew a quilt for my friend's baby before he outgrows it
• Complete the reading for my Bible study every day
• Find a new Bible study to participate in when mine ends in June
• Read at least 24 books this year
• Exercise 2-3 times per week all year long
• Find someone to be my exercise partner and hold me accountable
• Publish a blog post at least two times per month
• Finish my 2014 photo book

Five Significant Happenings of 2014

As 2014 draws to a close, I find myself looking back and thinking about how the events of this year have shaped me as a person. Here are the top five experiences that I felt made an impact on my life in 2014...

1. Meeting my birth mom and sisters.
What I learned: God has a plan

In February, I flew to Colorado with my mom and my girls to meet my birth mom and family. As a kid, I often dreamed about what this would be like. I never thought it would actually happen. I was full of mixed emotions. I was terrified because I wasn't sure what to expect. I was excited to meet the people I'd been wondering about my whole life. I was nervous about how it would go. Overall, it was a really good experience for me. It was wild to meet people that shared my DNA. Long after I returned home I continued to be affected by the experience. I learned that love can be unconditional and sacrificial. I learned that God has plans for us that we don't always understand. I learned that small choices can lead to big changes and that my choices can deeply impact the lives of others. I learned to be grateful for the people in my life despite their imperfections, because none of us is perfect. Relationships are what I make of them. I am grateful I had the opportunity to meet the people who had such important roles in shaping who I am today.

2. Feeling crazy and trying to fix it.
What I learned: Don't give up on yourself

Ever since Lydia was born, I've felt sort of off. Not like myself at all. Tense, super irritable, overwhelmed all the time by situations that are not overwhelming. It really sucked. After a while of suffering in silence, a doctor started me on medication for anxiety, which helped for some time. Then, out of nowhere, I started struggling with feeling depressed at random times. Like crying my eyes out for no reason depressed. It scared me. The medication I was on wasn't helping me any more and I had a strong suspicion that all of these issues were related to my hormones. I'd noticed some patterns to my feelings that seemed like they might be related to hormone cycles. I told my doctor but she assured me it was not a hormone related problem because she checked my hormones last year and they were fine (just shows you how little she knew about hormones) and that she didn't know what was going on but that I needed to see someone else. So I went to a different doctor, a specialist who thought I had a mood disorder and began treating me for that despite the fact that only some of the symptoms fit. Finally, I called the doctor up and asked to try a hormone treatment because what I was on was not working. She tried to double the medication for the mood disorder but I told her I really didn't think that was the case and could I pretty please just have some hormones.  I finally got the treatment I needed and now I feel like a completely new person. It only took a few days for me to notice a change, and now I feel great. I feel even tempered and able to cope with life. I feel sane. I learned that sometimes, you have to really fight for yourself. You have to be your best advocate. You can't give up on yourself. I wonder how long I would have struggled with not feeling well had I not insisted that I was on to something with the hormone issue. Three years was long enough.

3. Running a 5K.
What I learned: I can do it if I put my mind to it

Okay, so I have always hated running. But this year, somehow, I got to the point where I actually enjoyed it. In January I decided that I wanted to get in better shape but I needed some guidance. Tim got me set up with Couch to 5K Trainer and I actually completed the entire program. I went to the gym and ran my butt off on a regular basis for several months. I got to the point where I could run for 30 minutes straight. Even better, I could walk up the big hill by our house without getting winded. It felt great. This made me realize that I really can do anything that I put my mind to. I joined a couple of friends in completing the Color Run in May (not gonna lie, I walked part of it. hills suck!) and it was fun. I never thought I'd be a person who enjoyed running, but for a period of time this year, I did. Hey, the moment has sort of passed, but just thinking back on this whole experience has made me realize I can do it again, if I dedicate myself to it.

4. Driving the kids to Chicago by myself.
What I learned: I can do anything


The opportunity to visit Chicago presented itself and my friends encouraged me to save money by driving instead of flying. Plus, if I drove, there would be the opportunity to visit my aunt, uncle and cousins that I don't get to see very often.  This was something that scared me. That probably sounds silly, but it is true. The idea of being in the car alone with the kids for 7 or more hours just sounded terrible. I wasn't sure I could do it by myself. And then the thought of traveling around the city without Tim to help out...well, it was scary! But, I wanted an adventure, so I decided to go on one. I wanted the freedom of knowing I could take the kids somewhere by myself. The knowledge that we weren't stuck at home. So I decided to go for it. There were some snags on this trip involving mini fridges, Wi-Fi, uneaten meals and lost breakfasts. I learned to assume nothing. I learned to be prepared and to plan the best I could, but to remain flexible when things don't go as planned. Most of all, that lesson that I can do anything came up again. We had a great time visiting my family, the Field Museum, and even the aquarium. Now I know that if I want an adventure, I can make one happen.

It was so good to hug my beautiful aunt

I miss my cousins so much

The kids loved the Field

5. Getting a cat.
What I learned: Cherish the little things

I've talked about this before (see this post for details if you're curious) and it may seem trivial to some, but this year, we made the impulsive decision to bring home a kitten and it was one of the best decisions we made. I had forgotten how to love an animal. But this sweet cat helped me remember why so many people have and love their pets. The cat has reminded me about unconditional love and gentleness. I didn't realize how much I needed these lessons. There's just nothing like snuggling with a purring cat at the end of the day. She's patient and tolerant of the children and purrs loud enough that I can't hear the TV. She has a knack for reminding us to put down on cell phones and pet her, and I love her for that.

If you had asked me on New Years Eve 2013 what I was hoping for in 2014, I don't think any of the things on this list would have come to mind. I would have been shocked to hear about most of them, actually. But it has been a really great year. I feel like I've grown a lot and that life has been sweet.  I have no idea what 2015 will bring, but I am guessing life will continue to surprise me and that I will learn and grow in some unexpected ways.

What did you learn in 2014? What experiences shaped you the most?