I < 3 $$$

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21

I like money. Pretty much have since I first learned what it was. I was recently reading a diary from my childhood (a gem in itself!) and found an entry from age 8 where I wrote, "Today, Dad gave me $5 for stamping Blimpie things!" and another, "Dad made me work with money today and paid me NINE BUCKS!" It was love at first sight I guess :)

Luckily, my parents taught me to save, and that is what I did. I babysat in the summer and kept all the cash stuffed away in my room. On my birthday and on Christmas, I deposited half of what I received into my bank account. When I got my first job at 16, I set myself up on direct deposit and it all went straight into my checking account, which probably would be more accurately described as a savings account because aside from gas and the occasional movie out with friends, I didn't withdraw much. I liked imagining my money growing into large piles in the bank. I don't think I've actually been completely broke since I was about 7. It creeps me out to even type that in case it will somehow jinx me.

This relationship with money worked fine, for the most part, until about 3 1/2 years ago, when we purchased our home. We put 20% down on our house and let me just say, I struggled with watching that money leave our bank account. I mean yes, we were buying a HOUSE, but man...that was a lot to exit the account at once. Ouch. About the time we became homeowners, Tim started his first "big boy" job at Farmers Insurance. When we got married, I basically insisted that I would be in charge of our money, and Tim didn't have a problem with that. But it wasn't until we bought the house and he started his new job that we really had a significant amount of money coming in and going out for me to manage. I did not like the "going out" part that comes in the form of mortgage payments, utilities, insurance (So many forms of insurance! The Padens and we make our livelihood from the insurance industry so I am grateful for it, but seriously, it's annoying) along with diapers and daycare. Money was moving.

I continued to have a sort of hoarder mentality with money, but it was a lot harder. I did my best to manage what Tim brought in, and we were very blessed, but looking back, I didn't really know what I was doing, and I wasn't the best steward of our money.  I was inconsistent, dirt cheap in some areas and spendier in others. In general, the not-so-giant pile of money I'd envisioned was slowly but surely dwindling.

It wasn't until Tim lost his Farmers job this past January (can't believe it's almost been a year, wow!) that we got a little wake up call. We were okay during this period, but we needed to make some changes. My good friend Jessica shared with me about her experience following Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, and helped us enter the world of zero balance budgeting and cash envelopes. Tim and I listened to his CDs while we painted the bathroom one weekend. Dave made a lot of sense to us. So when Tim got his new job with PHLY, we jumped on the bandwagon.

"Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops" Proverbs 3:9

 

Dave Ramsey is a Christian and encourages the biblical principle of tithing. To tithe, by definition, is to return 10% of your earnings to God. Specifically, the first 10%. Because when it comes down to it, it is all His anyway. We are just stewards of what He has given us, while we are here. In theory, this made sense to me. God has richly blessed our lives in more ways than I can count. Yet somehow, it still...hurts...to give Him a cut of it.

When Tim and I first joined our church, we didn't give at all. We both recall hearing demands for money from the pulpit throughout our Catholic upbringings, and when we came to our new church, we didn't hear about money and we were glad. So we didn't worry about it. We didn't have much money, after all. I was student teaching full time and paying for daycare, after all. We'd worry about that later, someday when we had enough money. Whatever that is.

We eventually started giving a little, once Lexi was out of daycare. Not too much. Not enough that it hurt. But it made me feel less guilty.  That's probably the main reason we did it- guilt. Not a good reason, in my opinion. But it was what it was.

So, Dave Ramsey. I printed the budgeting forms off and started filling in numbers. Despite the fact that Charitable Giving/Tithing is the very first thing on Dave's budgeting form, I skipped it, budgeted for "real" essentials like food, the mortgage, and gas, and then, I'd take whatever was left and mark it down under Charitable Giving. Not very charitable, huh? I was still doing it out of guilt. Eventually, I got into a rhythm of setting aside a mediocre amount to give to our church. It didn't really hurt to give that much. I felt okay about it, because all of our needs were covered first. And honestly, if things were tight one week, I would just skip it and justify it in my head. I mean, we are a one-income family after all. With small kids. So, y'know, we have challenges.

Then one day, while I was sitting in church, I heard a whisper of something in my head. I can't even remember if the sermon was about tithing, but I was thinking about our not-so-generous giving, and I heard this whisper in my head, telling me to give a certain amount of money. It just so happened to be double the amount we were giving at the time. I had this feeling that we should start giving that amount. But it was scary...because it was a lot. It made me nervous. I pictured my imaginary money pile disappearing. I worried that we wouldn't have enough to cover our expenses. But I talked with Tim about it, and we decided to give it a try. So I wrote the first check, worried, but trying to trust God.

I've always felt blessed. I have a supportive husband who is a dedicated father. My kids are healthy and kind. I am blessed with sweet friends and family members who love us. We have a warm home and we never go hungry. We are blessed. But I swear, right after I heard that whispery voice and decided to put my trust in God by giving back more...extra little blessings started popping up.

I won a free laptop. I took the kids to Crown Center one day, where they were given wonderful free books at the book store there and a kind gentleman let us visit Science City on his pass so we could get in for free. We got a letter in the mail telling us our mortgage payment would be decreasing by $10 per month, and in the envelope there was a $224 refund check. Tim got an unexpected bonus at work. I received orders for my new cake business. I was called to participate in market research and made $70 testing diaper wipes and $75 talking about turkey packaging (seriously). This all happened within a month's time.

I'd heard this verse before, but I began to understand it on a whole new level:

"Look at the birds in the sky. They don't sow seed or harvest grain or gather crops into barns. Yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you worth much more than they are?" Matthew 6:26 CEB

It's funny. As I began writing those larger checks, I tried to trust God, in my own imperfect, human terms. I thought to myself, "Well, maybe Tim will get a good raise next year and we won't have to worry about this anymore." I did some calculations in my head about tax returns, cost of living increases, our premiums for our new health insurance plan...in short, I tried to make a God thing into a human thing. I tried to understand something so much bigger than I am. But I can't. Because God's ways are great, a little mysterious sometimes (turkey packaging?) and completely beyond what I can conceive of. He has His plans for me. For peace and not disaster. 

I'm putting my trust in Him. Maybe I can't make the numbers all make sense to me each time. I'm still not where I want to be as far as giving goes, but we have made progress in the right direction. In addition to increasing our giving at church, we decided to sponsor a little girl named Yerlyn through World Vision. We do the best we can, and place the rest in His hands. And I am still working on this one...

 

"Your way of life should be free from the love of money, and you should be content with what you have. After all, he has said, I will never leave you or abandon you." Hebrews 13:5 (CEB)

 

 I am going to try to stop mentally hoarding so much. Dave Ramsey talks about the fact that if your hand is closed tightly around your money, it cannot flow. It won't be able to leave your hand, true...but, at the same time, it won't be able to flow into your hand, either. I will graciously accept the blessings that I have now and open myself to trust that God will continue to bless us when we trust Him.  

 

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." Malachi 3:10