Act like you're somebody!

My sweet Grandpa Joe passed away last week. I am going to miss him, but I have lots and lots of good memories of him and I am really glad he is at peace now.

Grandpa had dementia for the last several years of his life, and he just degenerated into a person who was not true Grandpa anymore. I am sad that he is gone but I am so, so happy to picture him in heaven, with his mind and body complete again. I can hear him laughing. I remember many good times but I also imagine he is with his family again and smiling ear to ear like he always was.

Grandpa had several sayings he liked to repeat.

"Is that right?"

"What in the sam hell?"

"What do you know?" (I took this literally as a child and tried to spout off whatever facts I'd crammed in my head that week in school)

and my favorite

"Act like you're somebody!!"

He would say this whenever someone was taking a picture.

Act like you're somebody. I have pondered that phrase repeatedly in the last week. What does it mean to act like you are somebody? What does it mean to be somebody? Who am I? Am I somebody important?

Who am I supposed to be? That is a hard question to answer. In fact, I think most people spend their entire lives trying to determine who they are and what meaning their lives have. I think sometimes we even have to decide who we are not in order to better determine who we are. I struggle trying to figure out God's plan for me- who He wants me to be, what He wants me to do. Right now, I'm a simple stay-at-home-mom who is homeschooling. As my titles announce, I am at home a lot. It's my workplace right now. Last year at this time, I was working at my church, and considering whether that could be something I could do long term. But I felt God calling me back home. Home. It doesn't seem like much and I often struggle, feeling bored or feeling like I could or should be out there having adventures or making a big impact of scores of people.

But that is not my call right now.

Right now, I am a mother to my children. They are little, 5 and 2 1/2. I am the only mom they've got. If I don't mother them and raise them right, who will? I could probably pay to find great daycare. But would that instill all the values I want to cultivate in them? I could probably find part time work in the evenings or weekends or from home. But how would that affect my energy level and my attitude toward my kids? Would I still have time for making sweet memories and enjoying time with them on the weekends when Tim is home? Or would I come home exhausted and want to plop them in front of the TV so I could relax? Sometimes, being home is wonderful. I love days when Lexi is eager to learn, I love hearing her read aloud and knowing that I taught her that, I love snuggling with Lydia and taking them places and doing projects with them. But it's exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes boring. Sometimes my mind is a million miles away in a book, or on Facebook. Sometimes, they do annoying things. Sometimes they make gigantic messes, fight with each other, whine, or want to watch crappy cartoons. Sometimes I don't feel like playing and I want to do my own thing. But I press on, knowing that God has called me home.

I still desire to serve others in greater and more tangible ways. I need to get back into the habit of reading the Bible daily and praying whole-heartedly. I need to plan some meals for us so we aren't eating out of a warm, salty sack. I need to reach out, step out of my house and interact with others in a positive way. I will work on these things.

But for now, I am not just acting like I am somebody. I really AM somebody. I am not anyone particularly exciting, powerful or prestigious. But I am who God made me to be. Today, I am mom. I am wife. I am homemaker. I am somebody.

I hope you're proud, Grandpa. I am trying my best.