I think it is fair to say that here in America, we tend to worship a lot of idols. The Bible talks about carved images and statues, but in 2014, we've gotten a lot fancier. There are smart phones and iPads, celebrities, pro athletes, social media, and, well, money. The word worship can have a creepy connotation if you think about it in regards to the idols I just listed. It might make you feel weird to think about building an altar to an iPhone or throwing yourself at the feet of a famous person. That's kind of what comes to my mind when I think of worship, and of course you haven't done that. Neither have I. But I will admit that I have been struggling with idols lately.
What does that even mean? Well, to me, an idol is anything that gets more of my time and attention than it deserves, anything that takes the place of time I should be spending in prayer or thanksgiving, anything that distracts me from doing what I should be doing, what God has planned for me. If we go by that definition, well, my smart phone and my tablet are idols on a regular basis because I can't seem to put them down. I had the intention of giving up Facebook for Lent but I couldn't handle that, so I tried to at least ditch the app on my phone...but I've been cheating. A lot. A lot of my precious time has also gone toward shopping on Amazon for stuff I probably don't need that won't make me happy. But it's so fun for a package to come in the mail for me.
I'm not typically a person that cares about celebrities on any level, but after watching Catching Fire, I spent way too much time this week watching hilarious videos of Jennifer Lawrence on YouTube and I reread the whole Hunger Games trilogy (again) when I probably should have been cleaning the bathroom or doing some grocery shopping.
It is so easy to get caught up in things that don't really matter. It is so easy for media to saturate our lives and honestly, staring at a smart phone instead of engaging with the world has become so socially acceptable that it's common to see hordes of people staring at tiny screens in public. I have fallen victim to this in so many ways. Sometimes, it feels harmless. Other times, I reflect on my day and realize I didn't really spend any time with Lydia, or that I neglected to pray the entire day.
The reason I'm writing about this is because I've been struggling with it this week, and I need to talk about it. I don't want to worship a false god. I don't want to spend hours of my life watching YouTube videos of celebrities. I don't want to get sucked into my damn phone. I don't want all of these distractions hindering my relationship with God. Because sometimes, it does. There were a few months where I didn't read the Bible at all, because I was distracted. There have been many nights where I decide I should probably pray before I go to bed, then get distracted thinking about something else and fall asleep.
I don't think God deserves my leftovers, my half-hearted prayers at the end of the day, my utter neglect of His Word. I mean, the first commandment flat out tells me not to have any other gods before Him. I think he deserves my best, I really do. But I struggle. I get sucked into this worldly world, this society and its love of things with screens, this cyclical boredom brought on by everyday tasks, and I turn elsewhere for satisfaction. I really should be turning to God first. I should confess my struggles and ask for help. I should talk to him every day, study his Word, and apply it to my life. It's hard, for sure. It takes focus and determination. But through Him, I can do it. And I want to.
So help me, Lord, to put down the screens that distract me from what really matters, becoming the person you created me to be. Help me to stop Googling and YouTube-ing and BuzzFeed-ing random crap. Help me to stop incessantly checking Facebook, looking for something interesting or new. Help me to turn to you in my struggles, in my triumphs, in my everyday mundane moments. Only You can fill me.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Is anyone there?
Hey, so, I really want to find something constructive to do with myself, now that the kids are getting bigger and are playing together more and more. Sure, I do school with Lexi and we go places, but I am finding myself with more down time than ever before. I think that's why I was thinking about the Maybe. Anyway, I've been trying to think of something worthwhile or meaningful that I could do from the comfort of my own home.
I landed on the idea of writing, although watching shows on Netflix was a close second. I love to write, and I thought, hey, if I could encourage others or make a positive impact with my writing, that would be awesome. I looked around a little online and thought about writing letters to the troops, and also stumbled upon a page for writing anonymous encouraging letters. I could do more research, but then I got to thinking: what about my blog? Is there something I could do with it to make a positive impact?
What do you think? Who is reading this? Leave a comment or shoot me a message. Do you think I could encourage others if I were to share this with more people?
I will probably continue writing regardless of whether I decide to go bigger with this or not, but I would love to hear what you think about making it more widespread.
I landed on the idea of writing, although watching shows on Netflix was a close second. I love to write, and I thought, hey, if I could encourage others or make a positive impact with my writing, that would be awesome. I looked around a little online and thought about writing letters to the troops, and also stumbled upon a page for writing anonymous encouraging letters. I could do more research, but then I got to thinking: what about my blog? Is there something I could do with it to make a positive impact?
What do you think? Who is reading this? Leave a comment or shoot me a message. Do you think I could encourage others if I were to share this with more people?
I will probably continue writing regardless of whether I decide to go bigger with this or not, but I would love to hear what you think about making it more widespread.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Maybe
I want to start this post with a blessing report. God is always blessing my life and sometimes I forget to share the specifics.
So, it is tax season. I was a little nervous to do our taxes because, well, we both claimed a lot of allowances last year when filing. Tim had lost his job. Somehow, I was afraid we might owe. We have money in savings, but I hate chipping away at it. Tim sat down one evening with our good friend TurboTax and got to work. He called me in a few times to find certain papers or answer questions and I was nervous. He wasn't, though. TurboTax gives you an estimate of your refund/what you owe as you are going and ours looked...very green.
It turns out, we are technically at the poverty line, for a family of four. We certainly don't feel like we are living in poverty, considering we have a nice warm home, food in the kitchen, clothes on our backs, an income, and cars to drive. But I guess according to the government, we be po'. So we were given several credits based on our income, the fact we have kids, and more. The result was a very large amount of green coming to us, to the tune of more than a couple months' salary.
So are you saying WOW they are poor! or WOW that's a lot of money!? The way I see it, we are far from poor. Not only do we have the amenities I mentioned above, but we also have friends and family to love, plenty of time to spend with them, good health, and the ability to bless others. We've been sponsoring a little girl in Costa Rica and just added a little boy from Bangladesh to our global family as well. We are richly blessed. But yes, that WAS a lot of money.
And with that money, we will be able to give more, perhaps by sponsoring an additional child (Check out www.worldvision.org if you want to learn more!) or by loaning money to small scale entrepreneurs in Africa (visit www.kiva.org) or maybe to SafeHome, a local women's shelter, or DonorsChoose, a website that allows investment in classrooms nationwide. I am blessed, so I bless others. With the money we will also be able to purchase some homeschooling curriculum for the girls, pay for activities they might like to try (gymnastics and ballet have been voted for) and save, save, save for the next rainy day.
Frankly, God has provided for us financially in very obvious ways recently, and to me, this is another example of that. I was afraid we'd have to pay and that the kids wouldn't be able to try any sports and that we'd have to dip into savings to fix the lock on the car and the trunk on the van. Petty things, really. There is food on the table and the cars go, after all. But God is providing for a little more, perhaps because we've been giving a little more. It's hard to make sense of it all, but I just want you to know that I have taken a leap of faith by giving more and have been wholly blessed in return.
So, the Maybe. I have two mostly sweet little girls who are 5 and 2 1/2. 2 1/2, to some, means terrible twos and frustration. But I love age 2. To me, it means Almost Human. The kid can feed herself, speak English better than I could speak Spanish after 4 years of it, and entertain herself. She sleeps in a "bed" now, which just means that we took some of the bars off her cage, I mean, crib. I am sincerely hoping she will be potty trained any time now. She's pooped in there a few times and claims that means she is potty trained...but I'm not buying it.
Anywho, my baby is no longer a baby. Which to me, is a cause for CELEBRATION! I get 8 hours of sleep every night, can go to the gym in the evenings, and the kids are starting to entertain each other to the point that I probably need a hobby. Great news!
The question is...should we have another baby?
In the not-so-distant past, the Maybe would have been a Hell No. I don't like babies. They are so needy, and they are in your personal space all the time, crying when you are trying to watch Breaking Bad and staying up all night like teenagers. They need to be carried from place to place. And this Maybe would complicate things. We were planning to move the kids into the same room so we could have a playroom, aka a place to dump their crap. A Maybe would need to sleep in the playroom. Our kitchen table fits four people the way it is configured. I guess the Maybe could eat in the living room. I currently have two hands, one for each kid. I could try to sprout a third, but that sounds like it would take a lot of effort. I definitely need a hand for Lydia, so would that leave Lexi running free? Can she be trusted? If we had a Maybe, would I have any energy to do anything of value? I am so excited for Lydia to turn 3 and to start a little preschool with her this fall. I should be able to school them together. We could go places. It'd be neat. But a Maybe would have morning nap and afternoon nap and it would eat their toys and cry and sap the life out of me. Sounds awful.
Really, I don't want Maybe. I want No Thanks, I'm Good. But I keep feeling this little whisper, this little feeling. Maybe. What If. Is that you, God? Why would He want me to have a third kid? Just to stretch me out of my comfort zone? Because my life is getting too easy for once? Why? I want to just say Thanks For Thinking Of Me, But I'd Prefer Not To. But I also want to be an obedient child to my Heavenly Father. Because he has so richly blessed my life. A lot of things that didn't seem like a good idea in the past *cough*Lexi*cough* have turned out to be amazing blessings. God knows what he is doing. He has plans to prosper me and give me hope and a future, not to harm me.
So, God, what's the plan?
It's your move, I suppose. I will trust you. I will try to give it up to you the best I can.
I hate uncertainty.
Maybe.
So, it is tax season. I was a little nervous to do our taxes because, well, we both claimed a lot of allowances last year when filing. Tim had lost his job. Somehow, I was afraid we might owe. We have money in savings, but I hate chipping away at it. Tim sat down one evening with our good friend TurboTax and got to work. He called me in a few times to find certain papers or answer questions and I was nervous. He wasn't, though. TurboTax gives you an estimate of your refund/what you owe as you are going and ours looked...very green.
It turns out, we are technically at the poverty line, for a family of four. We certainly don't feel like we are living in poverty, considering we have a nice warm home, food in the kitchen, clothes on our backs, an income, and cars to drive. But I guess according to the government, we be po'. So we were given several credits based on our income, the fact we have kids, and more. The result was a very large amount of green coming to us, to the tune of more than a couple months' salary.
So are you saying WOW they are poor! or WOW that's a lot of money!? The way I see it, we are far from poor. Not only do we have the amenities I mentioned above, but we also have friends and family to love, plenty of time to spend with them, good health, and the ability to bless others. We've been sponsoring a little girl in Costa Rica and just added a little boy from Bangladesh to our global family as well. We are richly blessed. But yes, that WAS a lot of money.
And with that money, we will be able to give more, perhaps by sponsoring an additional child (Check out www.worldvision.org if you want to learn more!) or by loaning money to small scale entrepreneurs in Africa (visit www.kiva.org) or maybe to SafeHome, a local women's shelter, or DonorsChoose, a website that allows investment in classrooms nationwide. I am blessed, so I bless others. With the money we will also be able to purchase some homeschooling curriculum for the girls, pay for activities they might like to try (gymnastics and ballet have been voted for) and save, save, save for the next rainy day.
Frankly, God has provided for us financially in very obvious ways recently, and to me, this is another example of that. I was afraid we'd have to pay and that the kids wouldn't be able to try any sports and that we'd have to dip into savings to fix the lock on the car and the trunk on the van. Petty things, really. There is food on the table and the cars go, after all. But God is providing for a little more, perhaps because we've been giving a little more. It's hard to make sense of it all, but I just want you to know that I have taken a leap of faith by giving more and have been wholly blessed in return.
So, the Maybe. I have two mostly sweet little girls who are 5 and 2 1/2. 2 1/2, to some, means terrible twos and frustration. But I love age 2. To me, it means Almost Human. The kid can feed herself, speak English better than I could speak Spanish after 4 years of it, and entertain herself. She sleeps in a "bed" now, which just means that we took some of the bars off her cage, I mean, crib. I am sincerely hoping she will be potty trained any time now. She's pooped in there a few times and claims that means she is potty trained...but I'm not buying it.
Anywho, my baby is no longer a baby. Which to me, is a cause for CELEBRATION! I get 8 hours of sleep every night, can go to the gym in the evenings, and the kids are starting to entertain each other to the point that I probably need a hobby. Great news!
The question is...should we have another baby?
In the not-so-distant past, the Maybe would have been a Hell No. I don't like babies. They are so needy, and they are in your personal space all the time, crying when you are trying to watch Breaking Bad and staying up all night like teenagers. They need to be carried from place to place. And this Maybe would complicate things. We were planning to move the kids into the same room so we could have a playroom, aka a place to dump their crap. A Maybe would need to sleep in the playroom. Our kitchen table fits four people the way it is configured. I guess the Maybe could eat in the living room. I currently have two hands, one for each kid. I could try to sprout a third, but that sounds like it would take a lot of effort. I definitely need a hand for Lydia, so would that leave Lexi running free? Can she be trusted? If we had a Maybe, would I have any energy to do anything of value? I am so excited for Lydia to turn 3 and to start a little preschool with her this fall. I should be able to school them together. We could go places. It'd be neat. But a Maybe would have morning nap and afternoon nap and it would eat their toys and cry and sap the life out of me. Sounds awful.
Really, I don't want Maybe. I want No Thanks, I'm Good. But I keep feeling this little whisper, this little feeling. Maybe. What If. Is that you, God? Why would He want me to have a third kid? Just to stretch me out of my comfort zone? Because my life is getting too easy for once? Why? I want to just say Thanks For Thinking Of Me, But I'd Prefer Not To. But I also want to be an obedient child to my Heavenly Father. Because he has so richly blessed my life. A lot of things that didn't seem like a good idea in the past *cough*Lexi*cough* have turned out to be amazing blessings. God knows what he is doing. He has plans to prosper me and give me hope and a future, not to harm me.
So, God, what's the plan?
It's your move, I suppose. I will trust you. I will try to give it up to you the best I can.
I hate uncertainty.
Maybe.
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