Wednesday, November 12, 2014

I've (Not So Much) Got A Dream

So, do you have a dream?

The concept of having (and fulfilling) lifelong dreams has been running rampant through my life lately. I've been reading a book called The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst, an author I enjoy, and one chapter discussed the idea of setting aside specific time to work on or take steps toward fulfilling your dream. The author shared how before she wrote her first book, she struggled with finding time to write. Then she decided to actually schedule time each week to write, and stuck to it, and now she's written like 14 books or something.

Free time to work on fulfilling my dream isn't my problem. I took a quiz on her website, a Time Assessment Tool, to figure out how much time I spend doing different tasks and how much free time I actually have each week. Short answer: I have quite a bit. Good for me!

The problem is...I don't really have a dream.

I used to have dreams, or ambitions. When I was younger, I wanted to write a book. It was a goal of mine to complete a novel of at least 100 pages in length. 99 pages would not have been acceptable. As a kid, I was constantly making up stories. But I never got more than a few pages in before I moved on to something else.  When I got to high school, I realized that along with writing, I also really loved editing. I loved wielding a red pen and marking up someone else's work, in hopes of making great improvements. I decided I wanted to become a high school English teacher, mostly so I could red pen a bunch of mediocre papers to death. I decided to pursue a future in Education.

 A couple weeks before my application to KU's Education program was due, I realized that I loved English, as in grammar and writing, but not so much literature, as in Classics and Shakespeare. I found that boring. So I decided to apply to the Elementary Education program instead, because kids are funny and the idea of teaching a little of everything sounded great.

I completed two Education degrees and realized I wanted to stay home with my child, and have another child. So I did. And then I decided that starting a teaching career with a new baby seemed like a recipe for disaster, so I stayed home some more. I started thinking that once the kids got older, I'd find a teaching job. But then I realized that teaching is one of those jobs that you always take home with you, if you want to do it well. I struggled with the idea that I would be able to give enough of myself to both my students and my own children- as well as that guy I married. I thought maybe I'd just not think about it for a while.

Anywho, now I am pretty much getting the best of both worlds. I'm home with my kids each day and I am teaching them. Homeschooling became the solution to that problem, as well as others. We're enjoying it. Lexi is learning to read and do math, Lydia is working on numbers and letters. I'm learning too. Homeschooling is an efficient process, it only takes a couple of hours, tops, each day. We have park days and play dates and acting class and pottery and ballet and MOPS and other commitments too, so our days are usually full.

But I've still got time to spend. Time that I suppose I could use to work toward my dream.

But what IS my dream?

I've got a great family, friends I love, and I am enjoying the flexibility that homeschooling allows. Is that my dream? Am I already fulfilling it? I sit down each week and plan the following week. I research books, curricula, activities and more to find the best fit for my kids. I post on a Facebook group and look at ideas on Pinterest. I sit at a round table a lot. I do love homeschooling. I love teaching my girls. I get excited when Lexi reads to me, or when I see Lydia designing a craft with her big imagination. I guess I AM living my dream, without even realizing it. Wow.

 This drawer cart thing makes me happy.

 My very own plan book. I like writing things in little boxes.


I get to spend lots of time reading good books in this comfy chair.


So...is that it? Is that my dream?

Is that...enough?

Is that enough is closely related to "Am I enough?", which can be a slippery slope of a question. Sometimes, as humans, we struggle with the idea that we are good enough, or that we are doing enough, or that we are worthwhile. I feel like society puts a lot of pressure on people to be a certain way, to do a certain number of things, to have things. This isn't always in line with God's desire for us. So, in response to this, I ask myself this question: Am I using the gifts and talents God has given me? 

I think I am, in some ways. I am using my love of teaching and my love for my children to guide them and educate them. I am trying to teach them to know God and to love others and to do good in this world. I'm trying to be the best mom I can be. I am intentionally doing something that society feels is unusual because I feel like that is what I am being called to do.

But I do have some extra time. So what can I do with my other gifts and talents? Who else out there needs me?

Well, my husband, for one. I'm the only wife he's got, so I should be sure I am focusing on loving him and showing him how important he is to me. God gave him to me, so I should probably pay attention to him every now and then.

I have other passions out there I might be able to share with the world. I love to write. So maybe I'll begin by using this blog as an outlet for writing. Maybe through my writing I can make a positive impact on the lives of others. Maybe I can encourage people somehow. I think I will use some of my free time to write.

I also love to sing. I'm not sure how I can use that talent. I'm not really sure if I'd even call it a talent ;) I might see if perhaps I can sing at church when they need an extra voice now and then. I think I would love to do that.

I hope that you have a passion or a dream in your life that you are able to explore. Perhaps you are already living your dream. Maybe you're aware of that, maybe you are not. Maybe you have some extra time with which to use your talents. Maybe you've got gifts you don't even know about yet. I hope you will take some time to reflect on this and see what you can do to use your gifts or live your dreams.

~~~~~~

Related Music:

From the movie Tangled - I've Got a Dream

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