Five Significant Happenings of 2014

As 2014 draws to a close, I find myself looking back and thinking about how the events of this year have shaped me as a person. Here are the top five experiences that I felt made an impact on my life in 2014...

1. Meeting my birth mom and sisters.
What I learned: God has a plan

In February, I flew to Colorado with my mom and my girls to meet my birth mom and family. As a kid, I often dreamed about what this would be like. I never thought it would actually happen. I was full of mixed emotions. I was terrified because I wasn't sure what to expect. I was excited to meet the people I'd been wondering about my whole life. I was nervous about how it would go. Overall, it was a really good experience for me. It was wild to meet people that shared my DNA. Long after I returned home I continued to be affected by the experience. I learned that love can be unconditional and sacrificial. I learned that God has plans for us that we don't always understand. I learned that small choices can lead to big changes and that my choices can deeply impact the lives of others. I learned to be grateful for the people in my life despite their imperfections, because none of us is perfect. Relationships are what I make of them. I am grateful I had the opportunity to meet the people who had such important roles in shaping who I am today.

2. Feeling crazy and trying to fix it.
What I learned: Don't give up on yourself

Ever since Lydia was born, I've felt sort of off. Not like myself at all. Tense, super irritable, overwhelmed all the time by situations that are not overwhelming. It really sucked. After a while of suffering in silence, a doctor started me on medication for anxiety, which helped for some time. Then, out of nowhere, I started struggling with feeling depressed at random times. Like crying my eyes out for no reason depressed. It scared me. The medication I was on wasn't helping me any more and I had a strong suspicion that all of these issues were related to my hormones. I'd noticed some patterns to my feelings that seemed like they might be related to hormone cycles. I told my doctor but she assured me it was not a hormone related problem because she checked my hormones last year and they were fine (just shows you how little she knew about hormones) and that she didn't know what was going on but that I needed to see someone else. So I went to a different doctor, a specialist who thought I had a mood disorder and began treating me for that despite the fact that only some of the symptoms fit. Finally, I called the doctor up and asked to try a hormone treatment because what I was on was not working. She tried to double the medication for the mood disorder but I told her I really didn't think that was the case and could I pretty please just have some hormones.  I finally got the treatment I needed and now I feel like a completely new person. It only took a few days for me to notice a change, and now I feel great. I feel even tempered and able to cope with life. I feel sane. I learned that sometimes, you have to really fight for yourself. You have to be your best advocate. You can't give up on yourself. I wonder how long I would have struggled with not feeling well had I not insisted that I was on to something with the hormone issue. Three years was long enough.

3. Running a 5K.
What I learned: I can do it if I put my mind to it

Okay, so I have always hated running. But this year, somehow, I got to the point where I actually enjoyed it. In January I decided that I wanted to get in better shape but I needed some guidance. Tim got me set up with Couch to 5K Trainer and I actually completed the entire program. I went to the gym and ran my butt off on a regular basis for several months. I got to the point where I could run for 30 minutes straight. Even better, I could walk up the big hill by our house without getting winded. It felt great. This made me realize that I really can do anything that I put my mind to. I joined a couple of friends in completing the Color Run in May (not gonna lie, I walked part of it. hills suck!) and it was fun. I never thought I'd be a person who enjoyed running, but for a period of time this year, I did. Hey, the moment has sort of passed, but just thinking back on this whole experience has made me realize I can do it again, if I dedicate myself to it.

4. Driving the kids to Chicago by myself.
What I learned: I can do anything


The opportunity to visit Chicago presented itself and my friends encouraged me to save money by driving instead of flying. Plus, if I drove, there would be the opportunity to visit my aunt, uncle and cousins that I don't get to see very often.  This was something that scared me. That probably sounds silly, but it is true. The idea of being in the car alone with the kids for 7 or more hours just sounded terrible. I wasn't sure I could do it by myself. And then the thought of traveling around the city without Tim to help out...well, it was scary! But, I wanted an adventure, so I decided to go on one. I wanted the freedom of knowing I could take the kids somewhere by myself. The knowledge that we weren't stuck at home. So I decided to go for it. There were some snags on this trip involving mini fridges, Wi-Fi, uneaten meals and lost breakfasts. I learned to assume nothing. I learned to be prepared and to plan the best I could, but to remain flexible when things don't go as planned. Most of all, that lesson that I can do anything came up again. We had a great time visiting my family, the Field Museum, and even the aquarium. Now I know that if I want an adventure, I can make one happen.

It was so good to hug my beautiful aunt

I miss my cousins so much

The kids loved the Field

5. Getting a cat.
What I learned: Cherish the little things

I've talked about this before (see this post for details if you're curious) and it may seem trivial to some, but this year, we made the impulsive decision to bring home a kitten and it was one of the best decisions we made. I had forgotten how to love an animal. But this sweet cat helped me remember why so many people have and love their pets. The cat has reminded me about unconditional love and gentleness. I didn't realize how much I needed these lessons. There's just nothing like snuggling with a purring cat at the end of the day. She's patient and tolerant of the children and purrs loud enough that I can't hear the TV. She has a knack for reminding us to put down on cell phones and pet her, and I love her for that.

If you had asked me on New Years Eve 2013 what I was hoping for in 2014, I don't think any of the things on this list would have come to mind. I would have been shocked to hear about most of them, actually. But it has been a really great year. I feel like I've grown a lot and that life has been sweet.  I have no idea what 2015 will bring, but I am guessing life will continue to surprise me and that I will learn and grow in some unexpected ways.

What did you learn in 2014? What experiences shaped you the most?

Getting this party started...and stopped...and started

This is the final post in a series explaining how we began our homeschooling journey. For the conversation that started it all, click here. To read about socialization, click here. For individualization, click here.

For starters, this was going to be a Choose Your Own Adventure post. Exciting, huh? When I began writing this, I thought I might need to write two versions. The long version with greater details and specifics that might interest those who are homeschooling, considering it, or interested in specifics, and the short version, for everyone else. Then I realized that I don't even want to write the specifics. So I stopped. If you want to know more, just ask!

Flexibility is the theme of this post. This world needs more of it. The ability to change plans, to bend and adapt to different situations, to transition, even to crumple up your list of plans, toss them away and start over. Flexibility is a good life skill to have.

It's also one of my favorite perks of homeschooling. Not only does homeschooling allow for flexibility, it requires it. In order to best educate your child, you have to be flexible. Heck, isn't that true of all parenting? You have to roll with the punches to a degree. Or else you completely lose your mind.

So, first, the ways in which homeschooling has allowed us to be flexible. It's given us the gift of time, really.

Well, we don't have to wake up early. Which rocks. I don't have to set an alarm. I have Lydia. We can stay in our pajamas until we are ready to get out of them (sometimes we stay in them til right before Tim gets home from work, but don't tell him that) and we can take the morning slow if we want to. Some days we don't even eat breakfast until 9:30. There's less rush in our days because we don't have to drop off or pick up at certain times.

We can pursue other interests. I'm in two different moms' groups that meet in the morning. On those days, we don't do school until we get home. The girls go and play with kids their age while I go play with moms. We can also take classes that meet at different times of the day, rather than in the evening when everyone is cranky and tired.

We can travel. By the end of this year, we'll have gone on four different trips that would have required that the girls take time off school, had they been enrolled. Instead we've schooled on the go or just planned breaks around the times we've been gone. We've hit Colorado, Chicago and Omaha and are visiting Branson this weekend. I love traveling and I'm glad we get to do this. The girls have learned so much visiting other places.

Lydia and a Stegosaurus

We love jellyfish!

So many different kinds of butterflies

Petting and feeding sting rays!

We're spreading our schooling throughout the year. This past year, we did school through June, took July off, then got started again in August. We took days off here and there for travel and holidays and are taking most of December off of our "formal" schedule. I love how this has really taken the pressure off. We're in no rush to complete a certain amount of work by a certain time. We can slow down when we get confused or spend extra time on something interesting.

On that note, Lexi is working at her own pace. She just started a 2nd grade reading curriculum in October and is working in a 1st grade math book. Her fine motor skills are still at kindergarten level so we are developing her handwriting little by little from where she's at now. The science and social studies curricula we are using are able to be modified for different ages. Lydia's enjoying our Zoology course right now too. I appreciate that Lexi can just be herself and improve on all levels at her pace. School doesn't take very long each day, maybe an hour or so. Her lessons are short and we are done when we are done.

We love reading about animals and then visiting them at the zoo

Now, for the other side of flexibility.

After we decided to dive into the world of homeschooling, one of the first tasks ahead of me was to select a curriculum to use with Lexi. She was 4. She missed the kindergarten cutoff by a couple of months but was ready for more than what preschool was offering.

Now many moms told me that I didn't need one at her age, or that I should use free or cheap resources to teach her. Did I listen? Of course not. I heard about an awesome, expensive, literature-based curriculum.

So many wonderful, beautifully illustrated books...

It was beautiful. A giant box arrived on our doorstep full of gorgeous looking books. I couldn't wait to get started. We sat down to follow the schedule that came with it and realized...we didn't love it!

What to do? Should we power through?

I decided not to. We continued reading the story books that came with the curriculum for fun, along with the math work books, but luckily, one of Tim's homeschooling aunts had shared some of her favorite resources with us and we started using them. First up was Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons. I realized that Lexi knew a lot of what the beginning lessons taught, so at the advice of another mom, we skipped ahead. This book actually taught Lexi how to READ! She and I were both amazed and excited at how quickly she began sounding out words and reading short books. It was very cool.

It ain't pretty, but it's effective!

It's exciting to read a whole book!

Then, she got bored. What to do? Was it okay to not finish ANOTHER piece of curriculum? Would I scar my child for life?

No, I decided. She was bored, so we moved on! I didn't want her to think that reading was boring. I wanted her to love it.

I found another reading curriculum that came with a placement test. It placed Lex about 3/4 of the way through the first book in the series. Geez, that seemed messy. But ok. We started there and finished the book. Then we started the next book. It had a bunch of boring review at the front, so guess what?

Lex enjoys placing the covers of books she's finished reading on this chart

WE SKIPPED IT!

Whaaaaat?!

Yep, we skipped it.

Know why? Because it was the right choice for my kid. I want her to love reading. Whatever skills she may have missed by moving on could always be taught later.

And thus, I learned what it means to be flexible. It means following your child's needs. Even if it means trying something and quitting it. Even if it means trying different things and quitting them. Even if it is messy. I learned that learning doesn't always fit into a nice, neat box. It won't always be a nice little list we can check things off of when we are done. Education isn't always something beautiful and orderly that can be measured. It's a lifelong process. It's going to jump around sometimes.

It's hard to be flexible, but I've learned that it is a life skill worth practicing. When I am flexible, there's less pressure on me and on my children. When I'm flexible, we can take advantage of cool opportunities that pop up randomly. When I'm flexible, my kids realize that learning isn't about sticking to a schedule, but discovering and enjoying this amazing world around us.

I want my kids to be passionate, lifelong learners. I want them to follow their interests and develop their passions. But I have to be flexible with them, because they are people and, frankly, people are a mess. We don't fit into neat little boxes either. It's going to take me some time to figure out what works best for my kids- how they learn, what they are good at, what they need extra practice with. And that's okay.

We've got time. 

The IEP

This post is part of a series about Our Homeschooling Journey. Click here for the conversation that started it all. Click here to read about the S word.

As Tim and I weighed the pros and cons of different educational options for our children, we talked a lot about the purpose of school and education in general and we shared about our personal experiences in school.

We graduated together but I got the fancy cords for doing my homework.

I was a goody-two-shoes straight-A student in high school, Tim was the kid who aced the tests but didn't turn in the homework. I diligently attended even the most boring of classes, Tim found himself skipping classes that weren't interesting or challenging him. We were two very different students. We still are two very different learners. Tim can read a book while watching TV or listening to music and comprehend all of the different stimuli. I need quiet to read and I still struggle sometimes to follow the plot of a complicated movie or TV show.

The truth is, all people are very different. We all come with our own unique abilities, interests, attitudes and needs. I think this is great. It'd be boring if we were all the same. We all have something different to contribute to the world and society needs a lot of different kinds of people to function.

At the time we were discussing homeschooling, Lexi was 4. She was a bright kid. She has always had a strong vocabulary and good communication skills. She had a killer memory (as her mom that can be a good/bad thing for me) and was naturally curious. She was interested in learning to read and enjoyed building things with blocks and creating art. She was one-of-a-kind in our eyes.

She loved drawing as soon as she learned to pick up a pen (with her left hand!)

Which is what made me a bit concerned about sending her to a classroom of 20-30 kids someday. I have a background in education and I understand how challenging it can be for a teacher to cater to the varying needs of so many students. I often saw the bright kids, and sometimes the average kids, get left behind.

Actually, I remember once exercise I did in one of my education courses at KU. We were given a roster of 30 make believe student profiles and had to pick which kids we'd most like to have in our imaginary classroom and which we would least like to have.

Can you guess which kids myself and my fellow future teachers did NOT want in our classrooms?

The gifted kids! I was really surprised at this result. We all chose the struggling kids to have in our classrooms over the children who needed an extra challenge. I know from experience that it can be difficult to come up with challenges for the bright kids in a class, especially when there are some kids struggling to stay caught up.

I remember one student that I student taught who had mediocre grades. He always finished his work quickly and then space off or messed around, sometimes distracting other kids. One day I called him over and asked if he was bored. Yes, he told me adamantly. I told him I would try to come up with something extra for him to do. He came to my desk daily from them on asking if I had something for him.

I don't know if Lexi is gifted. I don't really know what that even means. I know she is smart. I wonder how she would behave in a classroom if she finished all her work. Would she bother the other kids? Read the dictionary in class, like her dad once did? I can't say.

What I can say is that kids who are bored or not kept busy and challenged can begin to feel negatively about school in general. Being bored in school can lead to a disinterest in learning or a squashing of passion.

What is the point of school? To me, school is about education. Education is about learning. In my eyes, the goal of education is to develop knowledge and skills that enrich life and benefit the individual as well as others.

What's the best way to accomplish this kind of knowledge and skill development?

Well, that depends on the person. We're all individuals. What works for one person may not work for another.

In the education world, students who have special needs qualify for an IEP, or Individualized Education Program. Each child's IEP lays out needs, goals, accommodations that will be made for the child and a plan for helping them reach their goals. A team of teachers and staff members meet periodically to monitor how things are going.

I like the idea of the IEP. I think every kid should have one. Does that sound crazy?

I think it's crazy to assume that all the kids in a classroom are the same.

Each child has different abilities, needs, interests and even attention span and energy level that affect her ability to learn. So why not take these factors into consideration?

Well, in a classroom of 30 kids, it would be nearly impossible for one teacher to be able to teach each subject to fit each child's individual differences. That is asking a lot. There are a lot of wonderful teachers out there who do a great job teaching their students to the best of their abilities. Sadly, these teachers often have time constraints and limited budgets as well as mounting responsibilities (state testing, anyone?) that don't always make it possible for them to cater to each student's specific, individual needs.

But, I learned, there is another option.

Homeschooling.

As my child's mom, I am already familiar with many of her quirks. I am aware of her interests, abilities, and I've been taking care of her needs since she entered the world. I get that she is ready to go first thing in the morning but hits an afternoon slump- I do too. I know that she could listen to books for hours on end but that she tires quickly when she's writing.

At the time of this decision, Lexi was only 4. She already showed strengths in some areas and weaknesses in others. She was excited about learning. I didn't want that excitement to fizzle out.  I always knew I wanted to be the one to have the honor of teaching her to read. I got excited about the idea of being the one to teach her other things too. I could create a plan for her education based on her specific needs.

Once homeschooling got into my head, I knew I had to try it out. It seemed to fit. I could teach Lexi at her own pace, following her own interests, which would fulfill my desire to be home with my children yet also exercise my love for teaching. Win-Win.

So when Tim lost his job in the winter of 2013 and we legitimately could not afford preschool any longer, we decided to officially make the plunge into homeschooling.

What a wild ride it has been.

Lexi was very interested in gardening and chose to buy herself a tomato plant

Mushrooms were fascinating to learn about

She loved writing stories

There's nothing quite like dancing in the rain.

The S Word

This post is part of a series about Our Homeschooling Journey. Click here to read the first post. 

After some research, I realized there were some benefits to homeschooling I had never considered. Tim and I began discussing it as a viable option for our family. We weighed the pros and cons. The biggest issue we were concerned with was socialization. We soon discovered that this was one of the most talked about issues of homeschooling, not only for those who do homeschool their children, but also for those who do not. It's a hot topic, and for good reason. It's important.

Socialization. What does it mean to you? Merriam-Webster defines socialization as, "the process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status." I also found, "to teach (someone) to behave in a way that is acceptable in society". 

In short, socialization refers to the ability to function in society. Okay. Everyone likes the idea of society having functional members. Our kids need to learn how to behave appropriately in a variety of social situations. They need to learn how to navigate and communicate within a variety of social contexts. Schools aim to teach children how to function in a classroom setting. To raise your hand when you want to speak, to get along with other kids your age, to do as you are told. Schools teach kids how to behave in school. If my kids don't go to school, they don't need to learn how to be in school, if that makes sense. (Side note: Yes, they will need to learn how to attend a college level course someday, but by that time, they'll have matured and will hopefully have learned how to listen respectfully to a speaker and participate in discussion from a variety of life situations. They'll already be using other educational skills like writing, note-taking and research in our courses at home.) 

There are actually some social skills I don't want my children to learn at school. I don't want them to learn to single out or pick on children who are different from them. I don't want them to feel pressured by peers to behave a certain way in order to be liked. I don't want them to feel that they have to be, do, or have certain things in order to be accepted by others. I don't want them to learn inappropriate words or values I don't agree with in a setting where I can't be there to explain what's going on or help them through. I want them to be themselves and I want them to love others for who they are. I want them to be kind, generous and honest.  I want them to know that people are more important than things. These are all skills and values that are important to me. I hope they will learn them watching Tim and I. 

When you breakdown the concept of socialization, it describes a lot of different skills used in a lot of different contexts. So what other social skills should my children learn? They need to learn how to respect others with their words and actions. They need to learn how to hold down a steady job some day which requires skills like timeliness, hard work, and organization. They'll need to manage money. I want my kids to speak confidently with others. I want them to go to the library and find a book without talking loudly on their cell phones. I want them to apologize when they do something wrong. I want them to find a job they love and move the hell out of my house. I want them to be people who can do life without constantly relying on others for their basic needs. I want them to become independent and capable members of society. 

I don't think they need to sit in a classroom for six or more hours per day to learn how to do these. I can teach them these skills as the situations present themselves. They can learn by doing.

 Tim and I decided that the aspect of socialization we were concerned with was our children making friends. Friends are important, and without school offering a variety of candidates, we'd have to be intentional about providing opportunities for our kids to get to know other children. We learned that there are many homeschooling families in our area that organize themselves in a variety of ways. I joined one Facebook group for homeschoolers in our area and was shocked to discover over 1,000 members and a variety of play dates, field trips, groups classes and get-togethers taking place all the time. Along with those homeschool-specific options, we planned to get our kids involved in sports, dance, art, acting, and whatever else they were interested. Sunday school and church activities as well as play dates with existing friends and neighbors were good opportunities to practice social skills.

Socialization didn't seem like a big concern anymore.  

Today, our kids are homeschooled and have friends. (It can be done!) Homeschooling has so far provided us with a variety of opportunities to practice what it means to be a functioning member of society and I'm sure new circumstances will present themselves as the kids grow. As of right now, we are out and about almost every day. We get together once or twice per week to play at a park or indoor gym with other homeschooling families for several hours. It's like one long recess where kids of all ages interact and have fun together. We still get together with Lexi's public school friends as well. We've tried out a book club and a Co-Op (A group of homeschooling parents who bring their kids together for learning activities). The girls come with me to two different moms groups and play with other kids while I hang out with other moms since I like having friends too. Lexi, at age 6, has tried pottery, dance, multiple acting classes, music, Awana, and more. There always seems to be something new and interesting to try. 

Honestly, the real problem with homeschooling and socialization is staying home long enough to get schoolwork done.