1. Meeting my birth mom and sisters.
What I learned: God has a plan
In February, I flew to Colorado with my mom and my girls to meet my birth mom and family. As a kid, I often dreamed about what this would be like. I never thought it would actually happen. I was full of mixed emotions. I was terrified because I wasn't sure what to expect. I was excited to meet the people I'd been wondering about my whole life. I was nervous about how it would go. Overall, it was a really good experience for me. It was wild to meet people that shared my DNA. Long after I returned home I continued to be affected by the experience. I learned that love can be unconditional and sacrificial. I learned that God has plans for us that we don't always understand. I learned that small choices can lead to big changes and that my choices can deeply impact the lives of others. I learned to be grateful for the people in my life despite their imperfections, because none of us is perfect. Relationships are what I make of them. I am grateful I had the opportunity to meet the people who had such important roles in shaping who I am today.
2. Feeling crazy and trying to fix it.
What I learned: Don't give up on yourself
Ever since Lydia was born, I've felt sort of off. Not like myself at all. Tense, super irritable, overwhelmed all the time by situations that are not overwhelming. It really sucked. After a while of suffering in silence, a doctor started me on medication for anxiety, which helped for some time. Then, out of nowhere, I started struggling with feeling depressed at random times. Like crying my eyes out for no reason depressed. It scared me. The medication I was on wasn't helping me any more and I had a strong suspicion that all of these issues were related to my hormones. I'd noticed some patterns to my feelings that seemed like they might be related to hormone cycles. I told my doctor but she assured me it was not a hormone related problem because she checked my hormones last year and they were fine (just shows you how little she knew about hormones) and that she didn't know what was going on but that I needed to see someone else. So I went to a different doctor, a specialist who thought I had a mood disorder and began treating me for that despite the fact that only some of the symptoms fit. Finally, I called the doctor up and asked to try a hormone treatment because what I was on was not working. She tried to double the medication for the mood disorder but I told her I really didn't think that was the case and could I pretty please just have some hormones. I finally got the treatment I needed and now I feel like a completely new person. It only took a few days for me to notice a change, and now I feel great. I feel even tempered and able to cope with life. I feel sane. I learned that sometimes, you have to really fight for yourself. You have to be your best advocate. You can't give up on yourself. I wonder how long I would have struggled with not feeling well had I not insisted that I was on to something with the hormone issue. Three years was long enough.
3. Running a 5K.
What I learned: I can do it if I put my mind to it
Okay, so I have always hated running. But this year, somehow, I got to the point where I actually enjoyed it. In January I decided that I wanted to get in better shape but I needed some guidance. Tim got me set up with Couch to 5K Trainer and I actually completed the entire program. I went to the gym and ran my butt off on a regular basis for several months. I got to the point where I could run for 30 minutes straight. Even better, I could walk up the big hill by our house without getting winded. It felt great. This made me realize that I really can do anything that I put my mind to. I joined a couple of friends in completing the Color Run in May (not gonna lie, I walked part of it. hills suck!) and it was fun. I never thought I'd be a person who enjoyed running, but for a period of time this year, I did. Hey, the moment has sort of passed, but just thinking back on this whole experience has made me realize I can do it again, if I dedicate myself to it.
4. Driving the kids to Chicago by myself.
What I learned: I can do anything
The opportunity to visit Chicago presented itself and my friends encouraged me to save money by driving instead of flying. Plus, if I drove, there would be the opportunity to visit my aunt, uncle and cousins that I don't get to see very often. This was something that scared me. That probably sounds silly, but it is true. The idea of being in the car alone with the kids for 7 or more hours just sounded terrible. I wasn't sure I could do it by myself. And then the thought of traveling around the city without Tim to help out...well, it was scary! But, I wanted an adventure, so I decided to go on one. I wanted the freedom of knowing I could take the kids somewhere by myself. The knowledge that we weren't stuck at home. So I decided to go for it. There were some snags on this trip involving mini fridges, Wi-Fi, uneaten meals and lost breakfasts. I learned to assume nothing. I learned to be prepared and to plan the best I could, but to remain flexible when things don't go as planned. Most of all, that lesson that I can do anything came up again. We had a great time visiting my family, the Field Museum, and even the aquarium. Now I know that if I want an adventure, I can make one happen.
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| It was so good to hug my beautiful aunt |
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| I miss my cousins so much |
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| The kids loved the Field |
5. Getting a cat.
What I learned: Cherish the little things
I've talked about this before (see this post for details if you're curious) and it may seem trivial to some, but this year, we made the impulsive decision to bring home a kitten and it was one of the best decisions we made. I had forgotten how to love an animal. But this sweet cat helped me remember why so many people have and love their pets. The cat has reminded me about unconditional love and gentleness. I didn't realize how much I needed these lessons. There's just nothing like snuggling with a purring cat at the end of the day. She's patient and tolerant of the children and purrs loud enough that I can't hear the TV. She has a knack for reminding us to put down on cell phones and pet her, and I love her for that.
If you had asked me on New Years Eve 2013 what I was hoping for in 2014, I don't think any of the things on this list would have come to mind. I would have been shocked to hear about most of them, actually. But it has been a really great year. I feel like I've grown a lot and that life has been sweet. I have no idea what 2015 will bring, but I am guessing life will continue to surprise me and that I will learn and grow in some unexpected ways.
What did you learn in 2014? What experiences shaped you the most?
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