The S Word

This post is part of a series about Our Homeschooling Journey. Click here to read the first post. 

After some research, I realized there were some benefits to homeschooling I had never considered. Tim and I began discussing it as a viable option for our family. We weighed the pros and cons. The biggest issue we were concerned with was socialization. We soon discovered that this was one of the most talked about issues of homeschooling, not only for those who do homeschool their children, but also for those who do not. It's a hot topic, and for good reason. It's important.

Socialization. What does it mean to you? Merriam-Webster defines socialization as, "the process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status." I also found, "to teach (someone) to behave in a way that is acceptable in society". 

In short, socialization refers to the ability to function in society. Okay. Everyone likes the idea of society having functional members. Our kids need to learn how to behave appropriately in a variety of social situations. They need to learn how to navigate and communicate within a variety of social contexts. Schools aim to teach children how to function in a classroom setting. To raise your hand when you want to speak, to get along with other kids your age, to do as you are told. Schools teach kids how to behave in school. If my kids don't go to school, they don't need to learn how to be in school, if that makes sense. (Side note: Yes, they will need to learn how to attend a college level course someday, but by that time, they'll have matured and will hopefully have learned how to listen respectfully to a speaker and participate in discussion from a variety of life situations. They'll already be using other educational skills like writing, note-taking and research in our courses at home.) 

There are actually some social skills I don't want my children to learn at school. I don't want them to learn to single out or pick on children who are different from them. I don't want them to feel pressured by peers to behave a certain way in order to be liked. I don't want them to feel that they have to be, do, or have certain things in order to be accepted by others. I don't want them to learn inappropriate words or values I don't agree with in a setting where I can't be there to explain what's going on or help them through. I want them to be themselves and I want them to love others for who they are. I want them to be kind, generous and honest.  I want them to know that people are more important than things. These are all skills and values that are important to me. I hope they will learn them watching Tim and I. 

When you breakdown the concept of socialization, it describes a lot of different skills used in a lot of different contexts. So what other social skills should my children learn? They need to learn how to respect others with their words and actions. They need to learn how to hold down a steady job some day which requires skills like timeliness, hard work, and organization. They'll need to manage money. I want my kids to speak confidently with others. I want them to go to the library and find a book without talking loudly on their cell phones. I want them to apologize when they do something wrong. I want them to find a job they love and move the hell out of my house. I want them to be people who can do life without constantly relying on others for their basic needs. I want them to become independent and capable members of society. 

I don't think they need to sit in a classroom for six or more hours per day to learn how to do these. I can teach them these skills as the situations present themselves. They can learn by doing.

 Tim and I decided that the aspect of socialization we were concerned with was our children making friends. Friends are important, and without school offering a variety of candidates, we'd have to be intentional about providing opportunities for our kids to get to know other children. We learned that there are many homeschooling families in our area that organize themselves in a variety of ways. I joined one Facebook group for homeschoolers in our area and was shocked to discover over 1,000 members and a variety of play dates, field trips, groups classes and get-togethers taking place all the time. Along with those homeschool-specific options, we planned to get our kids involved in sports, dance, art, acting, and whatever else they were interested. Sunday school and church activities as well as play dates with existing friends and neighbors were good opportunities to practice social skills.

Socialization didn't seem like a big concern anymore.  

Today, our kids are homeschooled and have friends. (It can be done!) Homeschooling has so far provided us with a variety of opportunities to practice what it means to be a functioning member of society and I'm sure new circumstances will present themselves as the kids grow. As of right now, we are out and about almost every day. We get together once or twice per week to play at a park or indoor gym with other homeschooling families for several hours. It's like one long recess where kids of all ages interact and have fun together. We still get together with Lexi's public school friends as well. We've tried out a book club and a Co-Op (A group of homeschooling parents who bring their kids together for learning activities). The girls come with me to two different moms groups and play with other kids while I hang out with other moms since I like having friends too. Lexi, at age 6, has tried pottery, dance, multiple acting classes, music, Awana, and more. There always seems to be something new and interesting to try. 

Honestly, the real problem with homeschooling and socialization is staying home long enough to get schoolwork done.